Slimbridge Wildfowl and Wetland Centre, Gloucs.

It is currently April 2006, and the paranoiac rumblings of a bored nation have attached themselves to the prospect of avian flu. There are jokes aplenty about dead swans and kamikaze finches; the idea of being called a chicken takes on more deadly overtones. It is all, needless to say, patent nonsense. To show your disavowal of such idle chat, why not spend a day communing with our feathered friends at your local Wildfowl and Wetlands Trust centre?

Happily, local to me is the epicentre of all WWT action - Slimbridge. There are 80 acres of marshland, reclaimed from the Severn Estuary halfway through the 19th century by the local aristocrats, a thoroughly Dutch initiative which should be applauded. These days, whatever indigent labour that was coerced into tilling the salt marshes have moved on, or been moved on, to be replaced by state-of-the-art viewing hides, pram-friendly pathways and some lovely sheltered picnic spots.

Of course, recommending a species of bird to look out for is pretty pointless, as the make-up of the avian population is dependent on season. However, there is a large resident population of the Hawaiian "Ne ne" goose, a beautiful bird with a strange, furrowed neck. Its puppy-dog eyes and plaintive honking means it cleans up at picnic-time. The Eider is the other family favourite - mainly white, with snazzy stripes along its sides and head, its call is unmistakeable - a trilling "oooOOOOoooo", like a mischievous granny. It's the anatine John Inman. And don't miss the flamingos with their neon pink clothing.

"And you'll never guess what she said then..." The gossipy gaylord of the duck world passes on more trivial tittle-tattle.

The whole experience - remarkably compelling even if birds normally leave you nonplussed - is as restful and satisfying as you could hope from a day out. The marshes stretch out in all directions; the skyline is interrupted only by trees and steeples, and the air is alive with the calls and cries of various winged wanderers. And the bloke who founded it has the same name as my dad. Ace.